2025.03.15_CREEPS N'PEEPS_ WHITE-CLAD SAINTS

White-clad saints, white-clad saints,

Pink hued as tallest princess towers,

Blue tinted flow'n da longest dresses,

Walk'n da aisles, look'n for der princes.

Looky here, a dazzle'n crown a'cometh!

Oh yes, dem haunty vampires be creatures of yesteryear,

Everyone get a'line'n behind dat wolf’s shiny golden brow,

Cause tonight it’s a’howl’n blood moons first witch'n hour!

Dem devilish crowns always be a'pass’n heads eternally,

Draw'n da lurkers round corners of dos greedy shadows,

And grift'n up from dem sewers a shit’n of pestilent raties,

And yet, ever dos der presence keep, da white-clad saints.

2025.03.14_KITTYWOOF_ VAMPIRE TOWN

Why does dis dumb Pumpkinhead find da worst situations?

Ima really start’n ta question da luck of my seed pop'n ways,

But mostly, da places I'z keep find’n myselves wander’n inta,

I'z tells ya, Kittywoof has become a strange and haunted land,

And each town I'z enter be caught in dem dark fairy tale ends.

So, let me tells ya a story, 'cause dis last town was a horror gloom.

Any yous ever tried help’n a desperate pack o’vanity cases get der succubus party more lively,

Ya know, help’n em ward off a snaky beast and Pigeonrat parasite from sludge'n stank a town?

Naw, when I'd arrived at der very tidy lil gothy town,

Dem vamps had retreated inta der glitzy mansions,

Bloodsuck'n anything dat wandered on by a'live'n.

And Jesus, what a bloody mess…

A rage'n party of devilish vamps dressed as gothic crew – ain’t dat something ta run from.

I'z even showed up at der door with an honest heart,

Offer'n clean crosses ta stake-out da worst of em,

Hell, I'z even attempted unleash’n a white-clad saint,

Who dey’d kept locked up in a prison count'n coins,

And do’n all da house chores for der long a’haunt'n.

And when I'z first arrived and dey graciously invited me in for a party,

Deys was like dem ravish'n vampire hotties at a full cult ceremony,

Always blood drunk and need’n more old deadbeats ta suck off-a,

Wander’n bout half an eyelash, or shirt flung ta show glisten'n abs.

And dirvish’n in da middle of der rage'n party chant'n,

De pinwheel dey was swirl'n round as new cult leader,

A gollum finance wolf, fling'n full wads in all direction,

Flex'n a gothy mansion's gossip as folksy popularity.

But dem vamps was hope'n dat wolf could punch at dat parasitic ratfest,

Naw, dat last highborn vampire dey propped up turned inta a nightmare,

Long after townfolks thought em a friendly and good look'n in mirror sort,

But by da time he'd finished talk'n, dey'd all been feast'd on bloody fierce.

And den dat highborn went all mad king and really lean'd inta overfeed'n,

So dat white-clad saint staked em true-da-heart ta save dat gloomy town,

Dem vamps didn't mind da stake, cause dat highborn was not so popular,

But dey sure did distain dat white-clad saint who'd been der hard-worker.

So, den dey fronted a wolf try'n win townsfolk over, but folks was mistrust'n after highborn ludwiggy,

I'z mean, goddam, dis Halloween crew tried and true, bunch of suckers da lot of dem, thru and thru,

N'every town I'z wander’n dees days, its always da same crew - and townfolk struggl’n gett’n bread!

So, ta keep townsfolk happy, dem vamps started give'n hoarded goods ta sweetest children,

Probably dat saint insist'n dat dey put some coins away for dem children as later investment,

Try'n ta woo favour after realize'n dey not popular and der mirrors be a’shatter'n inta dark void.

But, dat sorta generosity was only cause dey was real scared of a snaky beast south of Kittywoof,

A monster who dat parasite Pigeonrat would grovel before ta really get a’pillage'n on all da towns,

So now dem vampires try’n keep da youngins in good spirits, so after war'n dey gots a good feast.

But damn, vampires bleak, dey even use’n a terrible situation ta try cannibalize der neighbours,

Run'n round drunk think’n a wolfish leader means dey can suck all da folks fresh-blood hearts,

Out stalk'n da green woods think'n of burn'n it down so a roar'n fire wards off dat snaky beast.

But I'z ain’t no white-clad saint holed up in der prision do'n chores and account'n,

I'z was just a dumb a’roam'n a’Pumpkinhead try'n ta help der damn gloomy town!

And by, it was a mess...

But, I'z gots dem hardwork'n townfolk ta team with dem mansion vamps,

So when dat snaky beast started a'come'n up out of dem ratty sewers,

In a sludge of da worst smells mixed in parasitic rat fur and snake scales,

Dem townsfolk n'vamps battered hatches and threw some flash grenades,

It was a'heap'n of flung cow dung n'black powder dat wez gots tubes lit fire!

After dos sewer shits retreated, I'z went ta dat wolf say'n let off da townsfolk,

Deys was all celebrate'n ya see, dem townsfolk and vamps, and dat wolf,

Yet, dem vamps wasn’t happy a bit when I'z told em no mores folksy feast’n,

Dey didn't like dat easy rule, and quickly started chase'n me as tasty meal.

And, oh billows, I'z had ta gets out fast of der gothy n'pristine o'haunted town,

Cause da peace temples was closed and people’s house was locked down,

And dey was sniff'n my honest heart like sacrifice’n it might restore mirrors,

I'z think deys really take'n an interest ta start count’n my seedcoin head too.

Sos, I'z had ta flee dat town party fast, and sadly, I'z didn’t have time ta check,

But I'z do hope dat diligent white-clad saint gots out dat blood mansion alive,

Cause she seemed a good soul and helped out dem townsfolk children well,

Hold'n back dem bloodsuck'n vamps from eaten up all da younglins in town,

And from overfeed'n so much dat dey gots ta move onto da next little village.

Yet, in all honesty, last I'z saw, she was look’n giddy be’n feasted on,

Heard her even invite’n dat wolf over for home-cooked pumpkin pie,

And I'z gots ta say, dat worried me indeed, cause I'z look a fruity treat!

But hey, every devilish, wolfish and vampiric party keeps a white-clad saint nearby.

It titillates em, ya see? Dey always be wait'n for a crucifixion at da party’s end’n!

Naw, others say dem devilish vampires and white-clad saints walk hand-in-hand,

But dats likely cause you gotta be real saintly ta correct a vampires devilish ways.

But, dat’s why I'z tries stay’n a simple a'roam'n a'Pumpkinhead Twirl if I'z can,

Cause vampire devils always be out der dramatically renew'n at bloody death,

Gift'n saints bouquets of scented white flowers ta get'em forget the dead smells.

Suffice ta be say'n,

Dat fuck'n mansion, in dat gloomy town, was haunted ta me after dat bloodsuck'n party town,

But, well, I'z thinks I'z can still say, a parasite n'beast would be a’worse time for dem townfolk.

N'worst is, dat snake been gather'n an 'Army of Easily Misleds' ta overwhelm Kittywoof,

And dat parasite Pigeonrat is lead'n a ratpack sewage crew ta let em in ta raid da towns.

I'z just hope’n dem others can unite so Kittywoof ain’t overran by dem worse den vampires,

Cause I'z liked all dem work’n townfolk I'z met, and der orange robe'd reps seem'd ta care,

And dem townsfolk gots some loyal neighbours, who's names dey say'n as mispronounce,

And also, I'z knows dem forests a’round be jive'n with da fairy folk and dem green druids.

But, I’ll be damned ta be choos’n tween a vamps wolfish leader hunt'n towns,

Or da nightmare brought on by dat traitorous Pigeonrat's love for pervy snakes.

I'z decided, next town a’round, Ima go'n straight ta all dem still a'live’ns,

Ima gonna try unite dem forest folk, townsfolk, and der neighbour'n village,

And maybe all us can try take out both dees haunt'n blights on Kittywoof,

But Ima not sure wez gots da power, cause Kittywoof is overran by vampires.

But maybe, maybe, Kittywoof can avoid a parasitic ratfest,

If only dem vampires could stop be'n so greedy and vain,

Den dey’d offer da work’n folk a deal ta live in simple peace,

And dem forest folk protection for da lands dat wez all keep,

Cause it's best deys together a'fight’n a parasite and snake,

And it looks like dat snakes gots lotsa techy ways ta interfere,

Kittywoof best be tight'n der security round dat sewer network.

I’ve heard vampires can be reasoned with - dey like live’n a long soul-suck'n time before sleep'n again,

And I'z knows it's only with dem townsfolk, neighbours, and druids can dey keep out a parasite n'beast.

Naw, I'z don't know if dem vampire's wolfish leader will be able ta work well with others,

See'n da need to let dem others have voice at table so dat wez all can get past dis war,

But I'z know for sure, dat parasitic Pigeonrat can't be trusted with Kittywoof's sewers,

Dat shit flinger will slither dat beast on through em stank tubes ta pillage and smog.

But for sures - if all us a'live'ns come together for Kittywoof and stop dis beasts invasion blitz,

And if we can get a flush'n da sewers of dankest and rankest seedcoin-poaching ratpacks,

Den wez gotta lock da worst vamps in regal coffins for another hundred years after it's over.

2025.03.13

Ya, I saw you pass me by,

That why I straight shot,

Do I look a marble statue,

One for your creeper eye?

Imma walking here,

So get outta my way,

It’s a blue sunny day,

And I be feel’n good!